In Case You Were Wondering

I can talk you under a table.

I will talk you under a table.

I will make you cry if you dare sit across from me with a Scrabble board between us.

Everyone says I tell lies. I do not. They tell lies.

I create more entertaining scenarios.

And even though I never do it, I am a fantastic liar. That is the absolute truth.

I am delicious.

I like people in books (especially men) better than the ones standing next to me.

Just kidding. Mostly.

I am a writer. Of secret, brilliant books. And when I'm published, I'll assume a name so I won't have to be on a shelf anywhere near James fucking Joyce.

Not really. Far too much vanity to let anyone who's ever known me not someday be able to find out that I have books on shelves in book stores and libraries. At least I admit it.

I like concerts, therefore, I am cool.

I like musicians, therefore, I am typically an idiotic sucker for beautiful lyrics.

I was wearing flip flops in December before it was the thing. Wait...is it the thing? Or is that just me?

I would sleep with you, if I thought Jesus would forgive me.

The hard way is more exciting.

I will hurt your feelings.

I don't mean it. Mostly.

I like brilliant men. But you'll do for now.

I am 29.

I am the smartest girl you know.

Obviously. Not.

You can't live without me.

True, that bit.

You want to know what I'll say next.

I am not going to heaven.

I once froze to death a bird I was petsitting. I cried.

I watch these films over and over again...and I will not apologize for it:

Y Tu Mama Tambien, Shag, Funny Girl, Japanese Story, The Last of the Mohicans, Snatch, Pride and Prejudice (A&E's), Nowhere in Africa, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Mississippi Masala, Me You Them, The Color Purple, Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The War Room, Girl Fight, Bread & Roses, All the Real Girls, Passion, Dying Young, Bring the Pain, Ellen DeGeneres: The Beginning, Better than Sex, The Mirror Has Two Faces

I recommend these books. To everyone. There is truth in:

The Awakening, Jane Eyre, Up on Cloud Nine, As Meat Loves Salt, Maru, Wuthering Heights, Wide Sargasso Sea, Wise Children, The God of Small Things, Jude the Obscure, Charlotte's Web, Omeros, Maniac McGee

I like this music equally best...until they say something stupid in the press:

Damien Rice, Lauryn Hill, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Sigur Ros, Leona Naess, Dave Matthews Band, The Working Title, Maroon 5, The Stills, John Mayer, Tenacious D, Gavin DeGraw, Caetano Veloso, Muse, Ryan Adams, The Strokes, Ani Difranco, Tori Amos, Radiohead

I watch too much TV.

I can cook.

I can convince you to do it. Anything.

I love you more than you love me.

I love mozzarella cheese.

I will surprise you.

The devil is in me.

I like good musicals.

I am equally addicted to the following:

Men, Chocolate, Bread, Books, Blog